By default, you might have started big wedding planning. If you love it, that’s awesome, but if you have some reservations, this post might be for you.
I’ve heard it all, being both a big wedding and adventure elopement photographer in the last 13 years. And though there’s not one single reason to elope (Here’s 10 Reasons to Adventurously Elope), a culmination of reasons or even a certain pattern of emotions might be good enough reason to change it up from big wedding planning to eloping.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
A lot of people forget that
1) This celebration is for and about the two of you.
2) It’s a celebration, so planning it, doing it, and being present for it should be joyful all around.
Just like people have different lives, people have different weddings and although the word “elope” comes with a side of guilt or a sense of dad at the alter with a shotgun, that’s not what it is here (So what does eloping actually mean? Find out here.). So if you see yourselves struggling with any of these things on this list, eloping might be the wedding template you’ve been searching for.
You’re finding that friends and family aren’t being as supportive as you’d like them to be during this process.
The very last thing you want to feel at the beginning of your marriage is resent, especially for your friends and family. Times are tough right now and people are having a hard time with money, work, mental health issues, etc. etc., I mean, consider what you’ve been through post Covid. Maybe all you’re asking is time from everyone, but what you’re asking is for people to be supportive and joyful for something that is very exclusive – a wedding between you and your partner. Even though they may be joyful it doesn’t mean you’ll have the financial or emotional support you might be seeking in the planning of your wedding.
However, once you realize that this process is the first step to realizing a marriage that is filled with joy that will likely only be shared between you and your spouse, you’ll understand that especially in this moment, you don’t require validation from everybody. The truth is, you shouldn’t ever require validation from anyone else anyway. You are enough. You’re adult enough, and you can have joy even if nobody else has it for you, in the way you want them to. The great thing is, eloping is one of those celebrations that celebrates exclusive joy between partners. You two are the only ones who understand how dope it is that you found each other, plan with that energy instead of having expectations from everyone else around you and I promise you it will make your life easier when you’re married.
The options for a big wedding aren’t resonating with you.
You’ve started the process going all in on your wedding planning. You’ve seen lots of stunning venues but aren’t digging them but you can’t put your finger on why. Maybe you’re thinking about your catering options and aren’t really enjoying the thought of feeding a bunch of your most important folks such limited options and none of it sounds appetizing to you. Cake tasting? You don’t even like cake. And maybe you’re wondering what’s with all the invitations and programs and paper waste required for big weddings?
Look, I’ve said it maybe 5 times already, but big weddings aren’t for everyone (and I aim to normalize that sentiment). If you feel a wedding on a big scale is wasteful, or don’t want to feed a bunch of people, or have an open bar, or you don’t like dancing or performing, then elope. Nobody’s going to force you to do any of those things because when you elope you get to take all of your power back and do whatever the hell it is that makes you happy as hell, resonates with your values, and speaks volumes of who you both are.
Big wedding planning isn’t fun for either of you.
Yes, we know that wedding planning can be stressful but there comes a moment when you might be hitting a wall. If neither of you is enjoying this whole thing, don’t fret, it might just mean a big wedding isn’t for you. Again, that’s OK. Remember that this process should be fun. If it’s making you want to crawl under a rock and play dead, well, it might be in your best interest to explore other options. Fun might not look like planning catering for 100+ people, or figuring out wedding favors, or designing your venue.
Maybe fun for you actually looks like planning a trip, searching for the perfect Air BnB, planning a long hike, seeing how many modes of transportation you can take in a trip, playing games together, enjoying fine or private dining, experiencing nature and observing wildlife. Consider what is fun for YOU. You can have a wedding plan with all or any of those things in it. Don’t forget what this is all about – the two of you. A wedding is just a celebration you put together for the two of you, not for everyone else.
Big wedding planning isn’t fitting into your life financially or emotionally.
Many are aware big wedding planning is disruptive to your lives. No normal person knows exactly how to plan a weddingand some people just can’t justify having a wedding planner. The fact of the matter is that big weddings can feel painful on the pockets and it can definitely mess with your mental health.
Just remember that you don’t HAVE to do anything you don’t want to do. Remember that you SHOULD do everything you want to do because in the big picture scheme of things spending money on a big wedding might not be fulfilling for you either financially or emotionally. There is nothing wrong with you if you feel this way. A wedding is a huge commitment of time, energy, and money. Just ask any of your friends or family who have done it before you. It’s something that very seriously can cost you blood, sweat, and tears. But you have a choice. Having a big wedding isn’t the only way to get married, it’s literally just one of the ways to do it, and so is eloping.
Only one of you is doing all the legwork.
It’s pretty common. You get engaged and one of you starts planning all of the things you’ve dreamed about. You ask your partner for help and they said, “Whatever you want, honey.” It might be because your partner might not know anything about wedding planning (I mean, but what couple usually does? Unless you’re a wedding professional yourself?), or they might not be interested in the type of wedding you’re planning. Ask. Instead of feeling sad or resentful that your partner isn’t interested, maybe they’re not sure how it all works or maybe it’s not their thing. This is your first task of marriage, to plan something you’ll both enjoy and remember forever. It’s the very beginning of your story and it matters.
If you’re doing it alone, find out with your partner why they might not be participating. Open communication about this event should be high up on the priority list. Don’t just excuse your partner’s disinterest for ignorance. This is a labor of love that requires two opinions, you and your partner’s because at the heart, it’s for the both of you. Ringing in your life together means you should share the joy in planning together too.
You’re an introvert.
If you’re the type of person that doesn’t like attention, being performative, and if being around a lot of people drains you, big weddings might not be for you. And I’ll say it again, that’s totally OK. That’s why there are other ways to do this thing.
Eloping might be great for you because you can be completely and openly yourself in front of your person. Most of your time together could be spent privately and you won’t have to explain yourselves to anyone. And since it’s just the two of you, your social battery won’t be depleted at the end of the day.
You’re hoping you’ll be able to recuperate your money spent on your wedding.
This is just counterintuitive thinking. Your wedding is not a business transaction. Throwing a big party with the intention of hoping to get monetary gifts doesn’t make any sense. The average wedding, both ceremony and reception is currently $30,000 (according to Bankrate). If you have this much money to have a wedding, you have that much money to spend it where it matters the most for the two of you. Pay for the things you really want, like maybe a down payment for a house, a dope vacation/elopement/honeymoon, a new toy, whether that be a car, motorcycle – Whatever, it’s your money!
Eloping could be a game changer for your relationship. When you realize that you don’t have to do anything to appease anyone, even this age old event, you realize that you run your lives together as partners in the business of your marriage. And just like a business, you choose only to do the best for your marriage. That $30,000 doesn’t need to be spent on anyone else but the two of you. Consider it an investment in your future. The decision of eloping could be the most sound decision for your peace, which is a whole other conversation in investing in your future together.
This is YOUR celebration, there is nothing wrong with spending your money the way you want for your wedding celebration.
