How to Incorporate Guests Into Your Elopement
Despite what everyone might think eloping does not have to mean excluding. It just means being more intentional. So if you’re feeling torn about bringing guests or not, I got you. Here’s the thing, the energy of your guests has the power to shape the energy of your whole day, or at least the parts you want to include them in (more on that down below). It’s imperative that you bring your core people if you’re having something as intimate as an elopement or microwedding. If your goal is to love your day, to be energized and enamored with your day, choose the people who have always guaranteed that energy when you’re with them. They will be the ones to truly celebrate you. The last thing you want to be doing on your wedding day is managing personalities and politics.
I’m going to give you the playbook on eloping with guests so that they enhance your experience, rather than burden it.
Index
You're In Charge
Even if moms is giving you a hard time and your future-sister-in-law has her own expectations of what your wedding or elopement should look like remember that this is your moment. This moment belongs strictly to the two of you, which means you’re in charge.
You don’t have to follow anyone else’s rules. There is no tradition or expectation or obligation that trumps the priorities you want for your elopement, so feel free to conduct your elopement how you please.
This means:
You can have a private ceremony and then a dinner with friends and family.
You can leave your family and friends at any point to enjoy your first sunset married together.
This means not everyone has to participate in every part of your elopement.
You can make intentional alone time with your partner and even intentional alone time with different groups of your guests without feeling guilt around what should or should not be happening.
The only things that SHOULD be happening are the things YOU SAY SHOULD be happening.
You get to choose who participates and when.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation about how you will be celebrating.
Identifying Your VIPS
This will always be a hard one, but to it has to be done to honor your sanity and mental load.
Who you invite will have huge impact on the flow of your day.
They have the power to kill the vibe, but only if you really let them (see *You’re in Charge).
Since you’re eloping and being exclusive about who you’re inviting you only want the people who have fully supported you there.
The ones you tell good and bad news to. The ones who come without judgement. The ones who will love you through it all because that is what your elopement is for. You are intentionally and exclusively celebrating your love. The people who have been there through it all will love on you both exactly how they should for this celebration.
Invite the people who will make this easy.
Intentional Quality Time
You are allowed to break up your elopement any way you like. Meaning you can have all the alone time to yourselves and have celebrations with guests as two separate parts of your day.
Eloping with guests could look like:
– Dedicating a whole weekend to family and another one to friends.
– Having dinner with guests but having a ceremony separate from a celebration with guests.
– Having a destination elopement and spending certain excursions with separate groups and coming together later for meals or one big reception.
– Having your closest family present for your ceremony but saying vows privately.
There are so many ways to spend quality time with guests without feeling like having them impede on your alone time.
For When You Want Guest Love But Not The Guests
You don’t want guests at all but you feel like having their presence because you love them all and want them to celebrate with you. Here are ideas for incorporating guests without having them there.
– Have special guests write letters you can take with you during your elopement and you read them along the way.
– Have your people provide you with photos of their favorite times with either one of you so you can share those memories together on your elopement.
– FaceTime your favorite folks and surprise them with what you’ve got going on.
– Have guests add songs that remind them of you both to your elopement playlist
Set Boundaries When Eloping with Guests
This will be one of the most important things you do for yourselves for your elopement and life. Set your damn boundaries.
Everybody does not need to be part of the most intimate parts of your day. You define what needs to be intimate to you and keep that for yourselves. If you’re struggling with feeling like your people will feel some kind of way, maybe excluded, remember that the people who truly love you will feel happy any way that you feel like including them. This is the way you honor yourselves as well as the family and friends you’d like to include.
If you get questions as to why they only get to participate in certain ways, answer honestly. Part of setting boundaries is communicating to people what those boundaries are and what you want for yourselves. You are valid for wanting to say vows privately. You are valid for wanting to share certain moments with everyone while not sharing other moments.
Your boundaries matter. Make them known.
Clear Communication
Always communicate your intentions clearly, whether that’s in your invitations or in your vocal/textual conversations with your family and friends.
Letting your people know where they need to be is obviously important, but setting the expectations that you won’t be having a wedding like other people do will be key in scheduling around your priorities.
In our communications with guests we provide itineraries, best practices, what to bring, etc.
There’s no need to overexplain, just let everyone know where they need to be and when.
Connection Over Obligation
If you’re still having trouble with who to include I usually tell my couples to concentrate on who you have a real connection with rather an obligation to. The aunties that your mom wants to invite are obligations, whereas the people who have supported you everyday in your relationship is a real connection.
No need to feel guilty if you feel like a lot of people end up being obligations. That’s just the way the math works out because exclusivity means you’ll have a lot of people who will feel left out. Again, this is YOUR wedding and you don’t have to justify anything to anyone.
But if you’re an introvert, or your want this moment to feel extra exclusive, and you want to honor everyone you truly love then you have to be willing to disappoint others because if you don’t, at the end you’ll disappoint yourselves trying to include everyone. That is the sacrifice.
Elopement Packages with Guests in Mind
Completely Personalized Elopement Planning
Personalized elopement guide.
Permit and application fees included.
Questionnaires, vendor recommendations, permitting, and client portal access.
Unlimited planning and access to your elopement team.
We’ll be your defacto tour guides for all things eloping.
Planning for elopements with up to 25 guests.
Ceremony Services
Officiant services by Pop Andrini.
Marriage license guidance.
Custom ceremony.
Photography
From 4-16 hours of professional photography coverage by Mari Andrini.
Drone footage (location and weather permitting).
Sneak peeks within 48 hours.
All Light Preserves on a secure online gallery.
Domestic (US) Elopements Range from $4000-$12000
International Elopements Range from
$6000-$14000
Final Thoughts
Eloping can conjure up guilt, but knowing how to navigate those emotions with boundaries and clear communication will help you enjoy an elopement that doesn’t feel like you’ve sacrificed anything for anybody, which, for me, is the best way for any couple to start a life together.
If you have questions about eloping with guests and how you can have an elopement where you don’t have to sacrifice your sanity, I’d love to hear about your elopement dreams and make them come true! Reach out below to schedule a free, pressure-free call.
